Beethoven is showing signs of slowing down these past few days. His treatment to help his quality of life comes with a few side effects, panting, thirst, hunger.
His spirits is still high and he still has energy to play for a while... A part of me wants to know if he is in pain, and a part of me wishes I did not know...
It's true I can tell how my pets feel through their behaviour and anyone who has had a close relationship with animals would probably tell you the same. I think I'm more ready than my previous entry of his fate. However that feeling of sadness looms over me everyday.
I know Beethoven knows we are his pact and will be with him until the very end. It pains me very much to see how such a loyal, kind and loving dog has to suffer that way he is, as do anyone who suffers from cancer, it is a tragic thing indeed.
I really wish we s humans knew if there was something past this life. In my heart I feel like I am certain there is, and that one day I will see everyone I've cared for again. At least... that is what I tell myself...
Beethoven has lived a very fulfilling life after doing a bit of reflection on the past. I've grown up from High School through University and Postgraduate school through programming school and all the different jobs and experiences I've had throughout these last 10 years. He has essentially been through with me throughout my adult life.
Perhaps I will repeat certain feelings I have from my first entry... But I guess this is my way of preparing for the future.
My heart pains because I see that he is still happy, despite his situation. Perhaps he does not really know what is wrong either. To him, maybe he also understands he is going into his final walk in life. But in the present, he is toiling just a bit, and I find myself reminding it was inevitable. He is still happy, happy to see me, whenever I go to check up on him. He wags his tail, and he enjoys me being around him.
For the moment, I will try to keep my spirits up. And I'll be going to check up on Beethoven. Hopefully he will be as expressive as he normally is.
I guess I'll end my rant here, its always nice sending a message into nothingness....
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